Should they earn it or merely get it? How about paying for good grades? What is the "right" way to handle allowances? Read on, parents, and teach your children a lifetime of responsible money management.

Money is burning a hole in my son's pocket. Yes, he just received his weekly allowance, and as soon as that cash hits his palm, he is begging to go to Target to buy something. The things he purchases make me cringe: one more set of baseball cards to add to his already mammoth collection.

Or perhaps another cap gun, soon to be stashed in the toy basket along with the other cap guns, airplanes and Yo-Yo's from weeks past. I feel angry and resentful putting money into his hands. On my worst days I say to him, "Why don't you just take this money and flush it down the toilet?" He looks at me with bewilderment. After all, this is his money, right?

And he has every right to spend it the way he sees fit, right? And the way he sees fit is to spend it NOW. Why save it when the pleasure of spending is right there in his little hand? Then there is my daughter. I won't be surprised if one day while making her bed I find a large wad of cash stuck in between the mattresses. To her, money is something to be saved, not spent.

She proudly says to her brother, "I've saved $85. How about you? How much have you saved?" Her brother looks at her with a blank stare - what could possibly be the reason for saving when there are so many wonderful little things in the world to buy?

Something is clearly wrong here. On one hand, I've got a compulsive spender who views money as a route to get a quick, "easy fix." On the other hand, I've raised a compulsive saver who sees money as something to be held on to, no matter what. Neither option seems right to me. How will my son learn to save money for a car or a house when he grows up? How will he learn to say "No" when he sees that next new flashy gadget in the store window?

And how will my daughter learn that money is meant to be spent, that in fact there is pleasure in spending? I imagine her being wracked with guilt as she grows up, knowing she just plunked down $100 for a suit she needs for a job interview.

I imagine her sleepless nights as she contemplates all the money she just spent on that pleasurable vacation. As in all things related to child rearing, I know there must be a happy medium. There must be a way to teach kids healthy attitudes about money; how and when to spend it and how and when to save it.

So I consulted the experts, the ones who wrote the books on teaching finances to kids. It seems that the answer begins in looking at our kids' allowance, that weekly sum of money we give (or forget to give) our kids each week.

Kids Should Receive a Regular Weekly Allowance

In many ways it is much easier for parents to dole out money from their own wallets when their child needs (or begs for) something. But giving kids their own allowance, thereby requiring them to spend and save their own money, teaches them to be responsible money managers, an invaluable life long lesson. "In order to be transformed into responsible spenders, children need to be given opportunities to spend.

They need to have chances to make wise and foolish decisions, and they need to be given those chances fairly often," says David Owen, author of The First National Bank of Dad: The Best Way to Teach Kids About Money (Simon & Schuster, $19.95). OK, so if we need to give our children an allowance, the obvious question is, how much? This can be a complicated decision, and every family has a different formula. Certainly the decision should be made based on the prosperity of the parents and the age, maturity, and financial responsibilities of the child.

One author suggests paying a dollar amount equal to the age of the child. Another suggests giving half that amount. Janet Bodnar, author of Dollars & Sense for Kids: What They Need to Know About Money - and How to Tell Them (Kiplinger Books, $17.95), says we need to decide ahead of time what expenses the child's allowance will cover.

A clear delineation must be made regarding what Mom and Dad will pay for, and what the child is responsible for. Having this discussion will help guide the amount of allowance your children receive. When considering allowances, Owen has this word of caution for parents: "Children who receive harshly stingy allowances have no reason to think long-term.

They see no point in saving or in comparing possible purchases because they know that their incomes are too meager to ever accumulate into anything significant." In other words, allowance should be of an amount that encourages both short term spending and long range savings for "big ticket" items.

Set a Consistent "Pay Day"

Set up a system whereby you are sure to pay your child at the same time on the same day. This avoids the constant "You never paid me last week!" whine we so often hear. Paul W. Lermitte, author of Making Allowances: A Dollars-and-Sense Guide to Teaching Kids about Money (McGraw-Hill, $12.95), suggests keeping an "allowance tracker," a written record of the allowance you have given out to each child.

Another writer keeps track of allowance on a computer program. Still another hands out "allowance coupons" at the time of payment, redeemable for cash. Finally, one expert uses a "checkbook" system in which she credits her kids' "accounts" with a monthly allowance. The kids write her a check as they need cash. Do what works for you, remembering consistency is the key.

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