When children get curious about another child’s uniqueness, be prepared to answer their questions.

Do you remember the time your child asked, “Mommy, what’s wrong with that boy?” as you pushed your buggy down the aisle of the grocery store? Young children innocently point, ask questions out loud and continually challenge their parents as they grow up for answers to many of life’s most delicate subjects, but questions about a child’s noticeable disability are always difficult for parents to answer.

“Children really start to notice and remark on differences they see in others by the age of 5, and it may come up in a public place,” says David Tiller, a forensic psychiatrist who has dedicated much of his practice to guiding families living with a broad range of disabilities.
“It is important to realize that the question is coming from a child, not an adult,” says Tiller. “If the child sees a boy with cerebral palsy, you shouldn’t try to explain in detail what the clinical diagnosis is,” he adds.  “They don’t need the details — they really just need a basic answer.”
Besides, you may not know exactly what the child’s disability is, which contributes to the need for simplicity. It’s also important to convey your words in a positive manner.
If your child encounters a child with special needs while you are with him, how you respond will affect the way your child thinks about disabilities as he grows up. Your child may notice that another child with Down syndrome doesn’t talk or look the same as other children his age. Here are tips for handling your child’s curiosity:

Answer with honesty
If your child asks, “Why is he that way, Mom?” You can simply respond, “We are all different.  Some of us have brown hair, some of us have blonde.” Depending upon the child your child is referring to, you can tailor your answer: “That person walks differently than you do, honey, that’s all.”
Every person is different. Some may have physical differences, developmental delays or other challenges, but the goal should be for all children to understand and accept every child for who they are.
“First, there’s nothing wrong with a child with a disability,” says Norma McPhee, author of Sensitivity and Awareness: A Guide for Developing Understanding Among Children (Jason & Nordic; $22). “He is just different. It’s important to stress that to your child,” she adds.
“That becomes especially important when the differences aren’t necessarily obvious or physical,” adds Tiller. A child may have an auditory processing disorder which impairs the comprehension of simple commands and communications. Young children may not understand this. A child with a processing disorder might not readily present overt symptoms. However, like other disabilities with neurological implications, peers may notice subtle “differences” that affect child behavior. But when a child sees another child with a physical disability, fear is another common reaction.

IN SCHOOLS
One of the places where kids ask question about special needs is in the school setting. Teacher Terry Martinez describes what happened one day after her class had been visited by special education students. “As we headed out of the lunchroom a boy announced, ‘I’m scared of them;’ he was watching our school’s special-ed children in the hall.” Martinez decided the class needed to work on building a bridge between regular and special-ed students. “In my school,” Martinez says, “the special-ed students eat in the common lunchroom and are seen as they walk in the hallways, but there is little mingling with the regular students.” Martinez set up a three-step program with her school’s supervisor of special-ed in order to bridge the gap between the regular kids and the special-ed children.  It worked like this:

Phase i: Special-ed staff visited Martinez’s room to talk about disabilities, how they affect children and some of the tools used in teaching special-ed students. Staff encouraged students to ask questions.

Phase II: Students visited the special-ed classrooms; afterward they had a chance to discuss observations and ask questions.

Phase III: Students and special-ed students began interacting in culminating activities.

Bridging gaps between typical and special needs children is an important aspect of what educators and parents can do for kids, especially during the elementary school years when children are most accepting of differences. As children get older and face the tough transition into the middle school years, having learned empathy for others will serve them well. They will be the children who will defend special needs children to other lesser-minded individuals.

Margo Perine is a nationally award winning freelance writer.

When Kids Ask Questions, Build Compassion

Why does he move like that?Talk about how people with physical disabilities can be challenged, but also let your child know that they overcome challenges every day.Why did that happen to him?Let your child know that many people are born with differences. Some children will wonder if they can “catch” what another child has, so be prepared to gently answer that question with reassurance.

Source: learningdisabilities.org

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