There’s something wonderful about the child who knows how to talk to her parents’ friends. Socializing children is not just about kids her own age.

Picture it: You’re at the grocery store with your 3-year-old in tow. You see a friend and begin to chat. Your friend bends down and offers a cheery “hello” to your child. Silence. Your friend tries again to no avail. In your embarrassment, you make the excuse that your daughter is tired and continue your adult conversation. You’re frustrated and this is a friend your child knows well. Sound familiar?

Even chatty children may surprise their parents by responding to adults with blank stares or lowering their heads. On the flip side, a child may say something totally inappropriate to adults or their body language may be a major source of concern. Most of us have experienced such situations with our children. If left unchecked, however, a child may assume that her behavior is perfectly acceptable.

Teaching children to communicate properly is a challenge, regardless of whether they are shy or social butterflies. Becoming an efficient communicator is not something that happens automatically as your child grows. By making a concentrated effort, you can equip your children with communication skills beneficial throughout life. When a child is taught how to converse with peers and adults, she has a significant advantage.

Students often make better grades when they are confident enough to ask their teachers questions or share ideas. “Along with good reading skills, the child who has good communication and vocabulary skills seems to thrive,” says Carolyn Kovac, of Nashville, a retired teacher with 30 years of experience in a private school system.

The Right Start

Start early. Babies and toddlers learn conversation by listening. So, parents should talk constantly to their little ones. However, avoid “baby talk.” It’s cute to hear a toddler’s attempt at pronouncing certain words, but if families adopt “baby language” and pronounce words incorrectly, it will stunt conversational development.

When it is appropriate, parents should include children in conversations with other adults, but should help them keep their comments brief. Parents of young children are generally great for practice. They are accustomed to child-friendly conversation and are not as likely to get frustrated with your child or brush off her comments. Pediatrician Sonia Jotte, M.D., says, “While personality plays a role in how comfortable your kids are in expressing themselves to adults, parents need to stress exercising eye contact while speaking. Even if you have an introvert, basic courtesy in safe situations is still expected.”

Teach Respect

Part of teaching communication etiquette involves training children to be respectful of others. For instance, when a child receives a gift from someone, she should automatically offer a sincere “thank you.” Parents may need to role-play to demonstrate the proper response for receiving gifts, and be sure to address body language as well. Make a game out of showing children positive versus negative reactions.

For older children and teens, communication at large is easier than ever before, although it appears oxymoronic. Messages can be sent to the other side of the globe within seconds, yet face-to-face conversation seems difficult. Have you ever been talking with a teenager and, in mid-conversation, she begins text messaging someone? Although rude, it is common.

Sam Diaz, of the Washington Post, writes, “A recent Disney ‘Cell and Tell’ survey of more than 1,500 teens found that 44 percent use text messaging as their primary form of communication, and 28 percent say they have sent text messages from the dinner table.” Parents must establish firm guidelines. Instruct children that part of communicating well involves listening well. As they get in the habit of applying courteous behavior, a little acclamation will go a long way.

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