Parent Blogs

I was shocked over the Thanksgiving holiday when my visiting brother and his wife allowed their 3-year-old to stay up as late as he wanted each night. That meant that when we adults were hanging out, so was my little nephew — even after the other kids had gone to bed! So if we wanted to watch a movie or talk about something serious, here was the little one fussing around. I made a few references to how my 8-year-old needs his sleep and I watched my sister’s jaw clench (she hissed at me in the kitchen under her breath at one point, “Who’s in CHARGE here?!”) and so I started thinking about it. My well-intentioned sister-in-law says that since my little nephew doesn’t have to get up early to go to preschool (she just drives him over to her mom’s), she doesn’t consider it a big deal to let him stay up and go to be whenever. BUT! In my mind this will backfire one day. One day soon, when it is time for preschool or such and suddenly he has to get up early, they’ll run into trouble. Insufficient sleep makes the sleepless incapable of functioning right. This night owl stuff is for, well, owls NOT tots. Jodi Mindell, author of the book Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night’s Sleep (Harper Collins; $10.99 on Amazon.com) says lots and lots of families are keeping their little ones up until 10 or 11 at night these days … and that parents often mistake wired tots for tots who are, in fact, exhausted. Who wants whiney kids around anyway?! In a study by the National Sleep Foundation, 60 percent of children under 18 complained of feeling tired during the day. We are a nation of sleep-deprived kids. And for the SAHMs who want their kids to sleep late in the a.m., here’s an interesting paradox: Mindell, who is also a sleep expert, routinely recommends that parents who want their children to sleep late in the morning should actually put them to bed earlier!  The Sleep Foundation recommends specific hours of sleep for kids at each age.

Are you serious???

That's all of the details I get?

There's something there.  You don't know what it is.  And you can't get it.

After thinking about it, I figured I'd done more with less information.  Like the time I ACED an English paper in college without even having read the book.  As a matter of fact, I did better than my (at the time) girlfriend who told me about the book on the way to class. (KIDS: Do NOT try that at home.  I don't condone that kind of behavior.  You should read every word of every assignment.  You will be a better person because of it.  And don't worry about me.  I may be good now but think of how much better I would be if I had read that assignment!)

So there is something there.  Are you sure?  It's not that I don't trust your judgement.  I just don't like accepting the assignment without knowing all of the parameters.  There have been a many a failed mission because of not asking that ONE simple question. (Situation: Confirmed)

You don't know what it is.  You have confirmed there is something there but the object's identification has eluded you.  Is it causing pain? No?  Ok, only mild discomfort.  How big is it? Unknown? Ok.  Well, given the location, I would say it's not too big.  How long has it been there? Unknown?  You are right.  That was a dumb question.  You don't even know what it is.  But your guess of an hour or so will have to do. (Identification: Unknown)

And you can't get it. Bravo Team has attempted Level 1 and Level 2 techniques but was unsuccessful in retrieving the object.  Just when Bravo Team had the object within their sights, the object moved to an even more secured location.  Situation has now escalated to CODE: Yellow. (Status: Bravo Team has relayed to Alpha Team that the situation is now urgent but not critical.)

Ok.  I'm going in.

A minute and a half later...

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!  I repeat... MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!  I have retrieved, what appears to be, a bead from the nose of our 2YO.  The bead has been extracted and tossed as it has no further usefulness in its current state.  

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

If I've said it once to my kids, I've said it a thousand times: You don't have to; you get to. This is a handy phrase. Sure, it ends with a preposition, but it's useful.

We all want what is best for our little one. As parents, we all take the challenge of finding everything from toys, clothing, gear, furniture and more to suit our little ones. You may fall in love with the "one" when it comes to car seats, high-chairs and cribs, but did you do your research?

Just yesterday, there was another recall on a children's product that many of us may have in our homes: Bassettbaby drop-side cribs with external plastic hardware by Bassett Furniture Industries, Inc., of Bassett, Va.

See the recall here: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml11/11048.html

When you purchase something new — no matter what it is — there is always some slim chance that there may be something wrong with it later down the road. So, keep up with the recalls and pay attention when you hear about one as you may have that product in your home. Many of them require only a simple replacement or addition of a part, which can be supplied to you by contacting the Manufacturer.

If you are uncertain about a product, simply visit the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.

Back to Work ... with Baby at Nana's

Well, now that my little guy has started staying at Nana's house while I am at work as well as making the switch from breast milk to formula ... I am able to get more work done at the office.

I loved having him by my side each and every day, but his need for attention and constant affection kept me from my duties at work. He needs that love and attention to learn and develop, and I know that he can get that at Nana's.

The problem I have now is my breast milk. Now that he is not nursing continuously, I have noticed a decrease in supply that happened quite quickly. I am OK with that. However, recently I noticed a strange consistency in the milk when I pumped when I returned home from work. I instantly began panicking. It was almost clear!

I thought to myself, "Is this what I have been feeding my baby!?"

I haven't had to pump for a while now because it was as though I was only making enough for him to eat and be happy, sleep through the night, nurse again in the morning and then have formula throughout the day.

To ease my guilt and curiosity in this, I immediately thought of one place to look to for the answer to my puzzling mystery — The La Leche League.

I went to their site and find that really what I was seeing was the "foremilk" that occurs before the letdown process and the fattier "hindmilk" that follows. I found this information at: http://www.llli.org/FAQ/foremilk.html. They go into much more detail if you would like to read more.

I had never heard of this before until one day at one of my son's checkups, the doctor said he was not gaining enough weight for his age and asked how my breastfeeding was going.

I had mentioned to him that he was nursing well and I was switching from one side to the other during one feeding so that each breast could get some relief.  This I have come to learn is not what you really want to do per my son's pediatrician and the La Leche League's link mentioned above.

He had mentioned that he was more than likely getting only the low-fat "foremilk" from each side and that he needed to nurse exclusively on one breast during each feeding and alternate which side after each meal. I noticed a definite weight gain after I gained this knowledge.

However, I did not know it would look like THAT! I had immediately began panicking thinking that I was not eating right and thus providing a less nutritious meal for my growing baby. I was proven wrong, and THANK GOODNESS!

Now, many doctors may tell you otherwise. I recommend this system of feeding to every breastfeeding mom, but you should always consult your doctor, too.

Source: La Leche League International (llli.org)
You can also find a local chapter near you there or visit llleus.org for the Nashville area.

Learn more about breastfeeding in our online article:
Breast-Feeding Setbacks Solved! by Mary Dixon LeBeau

 

— Associate Editor Kiera Ashford

What is up with these professional sports players these days?  Back in my day, atheletes, for the most part, could miss a play or lose an entire game and not go off the deep end about it and throw temper tantrums.  There used to be something called good sportsmanship.  Athletes used to be real heroes and role models to kids.  That's getting more and more scarce these days, and that's too bad.

Although it comes as no surpise given his past displays on the field, I was floored by Vince Young's antics at yesterday's football game.  Gee whiz, dude, what an amazing example you set for kids who might look up to you because you're a football player and that may be their dream.  Just hope kids who saw you're little meltdown have parents who took the opportunity to explain the difference of being a good sport and a rotten one. 

— chad young

I'm feeling pretty good about life right now.  With the exception of our Christmas tree and our outside lights, I have all of our holiday decorations on display including the stockings hanging over the fireplace.  I cannot tell you what a relief it is for me to have the decorations nearly complete.  Last year there were few Christmas decorations to be found in my home.  On December 7, 2009  my husband and I, along with our then 7 year old son and new daughter landed at BNA after a 17 day trip to China.  Along with our new bundle of joy we brought with us a serious case of jetlag and a really bad cough.  I can tell you that with the exceptions of a tree and the stockings, there were no decorations. 

We had little in the way of decorations but what we did have was so much more.  We had just completed one of the most important legs of the journey that we are walking as a family.  Gratitude was on our lips daily and it was never as profound as the Thanksgiving we spent last year as a family in the Sheraton Hotel in Guiyang, Guizhou in the People's Republic of China. 

There was no turkey and certainly no cornbread dressing, but a feast was held and was popular enough that reservations were a must for this dinner.  We were all a little tired and a little sad to be so far away from our family on this special day but as we went around the table and said what we were thankful for, I do not think I had ever had my heart so full of true thankfulness than on that day. 

So perhaps you'll forgive me for beginning to decorate our home a week before Thanksgiving in  preparation for the upcoming Christmas holiday.  We will not be traveling to China this year, but I want to be prepared nonetheless.

Now, I just need to find the perfect creamy onion soup recipe to remind me of last year's dinner!

Happy Thanksgiving from the Croys.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbYwhHkldc4

With Thanksgiving less than a week away, I've got a list a mile long of what we need to get done at the house.  Bedroom and bathroom cleaning is number one Saturday morning.  Then we have to check we have all the towels, sheets, sleeping bags, pillows and what not we need for our incoming family.  We'll have 9 extra bodies at our house for three nights and while it will be a load of fun, it's also a load of work to get food prepped, activities planned and the house ready.  So my kids all have their marching orders for the weekend.  The good news?  Come Thanksgiving Day, we'll be ready to party!  For now ... time to roll up the sleeves and get crackin'.

As the year winds down, the best movies start showing up. Kids everywhere will be excited to see "Tangled," the newest offering from Disney opening on Thanksgiving Day. When you can't stand being in the house any longer ... head to the movies! Check out the trailer here http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1810121160/info

This is the time of year when we all start having lots of guest and it is nice to have some treats on hand to share with your visitors.  This biscotti recipe is fabulous for this because it is super tasty but not too sweet that you feel guilty letting your kids munch on it.  Plus, biscotti can stay good for few days. 

Another thing about this recipe is that it can be easily modified.  Don't like nuts?  Leave them out!  Prefer dark chocolate, go ahead and switch it!  You can come up with your own favorite biscotti and have them as a snack or a breakfast on the go!

Ingredients

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
• 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2 large eggs room temperature
• 3/4 cup raw almonds
• 2/3 cup dried cranberries
• 1/2 cup dried apricot
• 10 ounces white cholate chips

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Line a heavy large baking sheet with parchment paper.  Mix the sugar, butter, and lemon zest, in a large bowl till well blended. Beat in the eggs until well blended. Add the flour, baking powder, and salt and beat just until blended. Stir in the the nuts, chocolate, and dried fruit of your choice.

Form the dough into a long log (about 12 by 4) on the prepared baking sheet. Bake until light golden, about 40 minutes. Cool for 30 minutes.

Cut the log into 1/2 inch thick slices using a serrated knife. Lay the biscotti out flat on a baking sheet and bake the biscotti until they are beginning to turn golden, about 15 minutes. Transfer the biscotti to a wire rack and cool completely. 

Then you can serve them or you can put them in little jars and tie ribbons on them for a perfect holiday gift!  Enjoy!

So, Warner Bros. is on the lookout for the next actor to play Superman for the new movie its planning to shoot come next June.  According to insiders, the studio is looking for a guy between 28 and 32 years of age and perhaps will be an unknown or someone from a TV series.

Joe Manganiello (who plays Alcide in True Blood) is rumored to be on the list, although his production schedule with the TV show will conflict with the movie schedule.  Personally, I think he'd make a tremendous Superman, but kind of also think that Liev Schreiber could easily wear that giant S on his chest. 

Who do you think would make the next great Superman?

Driving home from work yesterday afternoon, I was horrified at the activity going down on the property of an elementary school.  A bunch of kids, fourth or fifth graders at best, were punching and kicking one kid who was curled up on the ground with his arms covering his head.  Other kids who heard the commotion turned around, and gleefully ran back up the sidewalk, but instead of helping their classmate, they joined right in.  What’s worse, the school crossing guard was standing on the curb watching it all go down without intervening at all.

What is wrong with kids these days?  Bullies have always been around, but this was extreme.  And bullying is more nurture than nature, and most psychologists agree that bullies act the way they do because of their own self-esteem problems and lack of parental warmth.

It’s time to wake up, parents, and do something to stop this behavior.  No parent should have the “not my kid” mindset, especially when you read some of the tragic cases when kids get bullied to the point they commit suicide.

Click HERE to read more about bullying and what you can do about it.

— chad young

Do you have a child with book allergies? Your pediatrician won't diagnose this for you, but it's a real and serious malady. You see, one of our sons broke out into hives when it was time to read. His spine gave way. His eyes started rolling. Strange moans issued forth from him. Reading time was painful for us both. That was second grade. Now the same child is in fourth grade, and I can find him with his nose in a book on any given day.

Take heart. This ship can be turned around. Here are seven things that worked for us.

1. Relax. If you're stressed out, your child will be, too. I wasted a lot of time worrying about my son and demanding that he perform when I could've been enjoying that time with him. I'd love to have those hours back.

2. Read to your children from a chapter book every night. You can use the Newbery Award winner list from your local library to select your books. Read the classics. Read the books you loved as a kid. You'll be sharing a common experience with your child, which is a beautiful way to build memories. Your child's vocabulary will skyrocket. Reading aloud also takes the pressure off of your young reader and allows her time to enjoy great literature. Isn't enjoying a book the point of reading, after all?

3. Check out bags of books from the library. Place them on the coffee table, in the car, on the bedside tables, etc.

4. Limit TV and video game time to the weekends. This really isn't so hard once you make up your mind to do it. The first few days are rough, but after that the kids find things to do. It's shocking, I know. If my kids can open a Nintendo DS or turn on a TV, there's no way they'll pick up a book. That's just a fact.

5. Hand out treats at read-aloud time. I used to give a Dove chocolate to the boys at reading time, because they knew it was the good stuff. It was usually reserved for me. (I make no apologies for hoarding my Dove chocolate.) The treat could be a sticker or an item from a treasure box. This doesn't need to be a big deal or something that's done every night, but you can build an association between reading and reward. Soon the reading will be its own reward.

6. Set aside at least 20 to 30 minutes for quiet time and reading each day. In our family, we all go to separate spaces and read. The four-year-old looks at books. Maybe you can find this time right after school with a snack and a tall glass of milk, or maybe after lunch or before bed works better for you. Changing your daily rhythm takes grit and determination, but it's worth the effort. Soon it'll be routine and no effort at all. I think our fast-paced culture crowds out quiet time, and this is great way to reclaim it. The whole family will benefit.

7. When your child does read on his own and wants to recount the story to you, hang on every word. This doesn't come easily for me. Seriously, kids give way too much detail. The self-edit part of the brain hasn't developed yet, I guess. Listen anyway. It's worth it. Show interest in the story. Ask questions. Your little reader will love it and will love you for it.

Children can't be rushed into developing, yet I'm so tempted to try to rush mine. But I've seen that when I enjoy reading with my children, they enjoy reading, too. We even enjoy each other while we're at it. Imagine that.

Confessions of a woman addicted to consignment sales....

One of the things to be sure to get right in your parenting is teaching your kids proper manners, at the table and in general.

I went to see Blue Man Group last night at TPAC, and have always wanted to see them live.  I love a good spectacle, and Blue Man certainly delivers an over-the-top delight!  Honestly, I don't recall every being so blown away by a live performance, and granted this one is quite unique; it's not standard theatrical fare.

What struck me most, and why I think you should take your kids to go see the show if you can, is the absolute power of imagination.  I wonder if the Blue Man creators — Matt Goldman, Phil Stanton and Chris Wink — had any idea some 20 years ago when they dreamed up the creation of three blue guys that they would enjoy the success they've had.  Present day, there are nine resident shows (New York, Boston, Chicago, Las Vegas, Orlando, Berlin, Tokyo, Stockholm and Vienna) and a national U.S. tour.  That's really quite something! Just goes to show that ideas can turn into dreams come true if you follow your passion and let your imagination run wild.

And it makes me wonder just how many Blue Men there have been during the past two decades, and if any candidates ever had to turn down the opportunity because they couldn't tolerate the make-up?

I hope you have a chance to take your kiddos.  Y'all will love it no doubt.  And, you can read my official review of the show here: http://bit.ly/9pGfZF

Normally our holidays are tradition and Christ-centered.  We find ourselves staying close to home, making homemade gifts, splurging on small things that have now become ritual, like Tofurky for our Thanksgiving "meat" and Trader Joe's cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning.  We don't do Christmas cards and we don't go out shopping for everyone we know and their dogs.  We do listen to holiday music and we rebel against my husband's Church of Christ roots and we include Christ's birth as part of the celebration.  We find ourselves thankful for things like the flexiblilty of an unschooling lifestyle and of not "doing" Santa so that we can "do Thanksgiving" and "do Christmas" whenever Daddy happens to be at home because he typically works on those holidays. 

This year our family's holiday season will be very different.  For one thing, we've already had Thanksgiving and Christmas morning.  We did those things last week.  You see, my oldest child, my six year old sweetie boy, Hunter, is in the hospital about to undergo a bone marrow transplant.  Next week, on  November 23rd, my four year old daughter, Ronin, will experience a two hour long procedure where she will have her bone marrow removed from her lower back.  Later that day, the marrow will be placed inside of her brother's body via a Hickman line. 

On Thanksgiving Day, Ronin will still be recovering from her surgery.  Her dad and her older brother will be in the hospital and we won't be able to be together as a family.  Despite these difficulties, I will remain thankful and I will keep my eyes on the bigger picture. 

There are many things for which I am truly thankful right now.  Like that Hunter has done so well with his treatments.  He's responded well to them and he's not suffered many side effects.  I am thankful that he only needed cranial radiation instead of cranial radiation and an extra week of chemo after the doctors discovered that the leukemia had reached his brain.  I am thankful that my husband's job has not been put into jeopardy because of lost time, that we have such an amazing support system, and that we are going to manage to avoid financial ruin despite the fact that we were already broke, in debt, and that this is indeed, a very costly ordeal.  We are thankful to live so close to Monroe Carell Jr. Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt. 

Most of all we are incredibly thankful that Ronin was Hunter's perfect match and is able to give him her bone marrow in order to help him get well.  That's pretty amazing and a complete gift. 

This year my Thanksgiving isn't going to be spent focusing on parades, rich meals, or other things that usually make that holiday special for me.  Instead I will probably spend it snuggling with my little girl and watching episodes of "The Brady Bunch".  But I can assure you that my mind will be turned more towards gratitude this year than it has been any other year of my life.  I am indebted to and overwhelmed with gratitude for this miracle. 

For what will you be truly thankful this Thanksgiving?

Over the next month I will be sharing with you some of the creative things we are going to be doing to stay connected as a family during the holidays.  I hope that they will inspire you and that because of our story, you will appreciate your healthy, whole family just a little bit more this holiday season.

To read more about our journey, check out my blog: Bona Fide Mama.

Last week a friend posted a photo of her daughter on facebook, DECORATING THEIR CHRISTMAS TREE!  A week after Halloween!!  Her explanation is that they love Christmas so much that they want to enjoy the tree as long as possible.    That’s understandable, I guess.  But it makes me break out in a cold sweat.

Don’t get me wrong…I love Christmas.  I love the music,  the food, the weather, the smells, the family time, the traditions.  It’s all good.  I have such fond memories of Christmas from my childhood.  It wasn’t until I grew up and went out on my own that I realized the tree didn’t just magically appear in the living room, the presents didn’t magically materialize under the tree, and the Christmas cards didn’t automatically send themselves.

At first I never felt any stress…I loved it.  I took such pride in decorating my little tree with hand-me-down and secondhand ornaments that I found at garage sales.  I would go shopping a week or two before Christmas, finding gifts I could afford (which was more important back then than finding the exact right present).  I shopped at a couple of stores to find cute Christmas cards, and wrote individual little notes in each one while watching a Christmas special on TV.

I don’t know when it all changed.  Suddenly I was decorating my huge tree (sometimes two of them)  with the color coordinated decorations I splurged and bought at the overpriced Christmas store that stays open year round.  (I really want to know-who buys Christmas decorations in June?)  I spent two days wrapping garland around the staircase, then wrapping the tiny lights to make it sparkle.  We hired a handyman to help us hang Christmas lights on the house.  My Christmas card list has grown every year…last year I sent out almost 200 cards!  I usually start shopping after Thanksgiving…making multiple calls to my sister-in-law to find out what her kids want/need this year.  It’s gotten so much more difficult as they’ve gotten older, and I have always taken pride on getting them something that they really want.  Then there’s my family.  My husband and 17-year-old daughter really don’t NEED anything-and when I ask my daughter what she wants, she just wants itunes cards or cash.  I hate giving cash.  Not only is it impersonal, but it’s just not special enough.  You can find great bargains and give thoughtful gifts that are worth more than the $100 in cash you spent on them.  So for them, I try to get creative.  I buy gifts that I think they might like.  For my husband, the PS3 is still in the box from last year, next to Rock Band for my daughter.  Neither was opened.  That's just embarrassing.

Truth be told, it’s gotten to be a little bit stressful.  And stress takes some of the joy out of the magic.  So when people kick off the season so early, it just makes the stress last longer.  But this year, I am determined to have a stress-free Christmas.

We draw names in my family, but buy presents for all the kids.  This year, before we drew names, we made everyone make a list of at least five items they would like.  Mom sent out emails with everyone’s lists, so for the first time in my life, I am almost finished with my shopping BEFORE Thanksgiving.  Thanks to Amazon.com and their “Prime” membership, I have free 2^nd day shipping, so in my closet, neatly lined up and ready to be wrapped are all the gifts for my brother’s family and my parents.  For my husband, myself and my daughter, we’ve decided to buy skis and boots, so those are taken care of.  (What I really wish I could give my daughter is TIME...time to relax and watch a movie with us, time to just hang out and be a kid...and maybe play the video game she got for Christmas last year and never opened.  But that's a topic for another post).

As far as Christmas cards…whittled the list WAY down.  I saved my cards from last year and will use those to make my list.  Shutterfly.com is an easy way to order photo cards, so I usually do a collage of photos from throughout the year.  (Thus eliminating the need for a Christmas letter.)  It’s weird, I love getting them.  I really do.  But whenever I try to write one I have a hard time making it sound real…I don’t want to write about anything negative so it just seems like bragging.

My goal is to just relax this year.  Relax and slow down, so I can enjoy the season.  I think if I can do that, my family will enjoy it that much more.

Do you have plans to cut down on Holiday stress this year?  How are you celebrating?

 

decorating the tree...circa 1968